


Ad Astra Per Aspera (Through Adversity to the Stars)

by GrimTamlain



Series: Open Heart: Doctor Caylinn Darling [3]
Category: Open Heart (Visual Novels)
Genre: Chapter 11 rewrite, Ethan has lost his mind with worry, Ethan is OoC, F/M, I wanted an enraged Ethan on MC's deathbed, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:56:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26674759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrimTamlain/pseuds/GrimTamlain
Summary: Ethan Ramsey POV of Chapter 11.Ethan-centric version of the chapter, his reaction to almost losing her.
Relationships: Ethan Ramsey/Main Character (Open Heart), Ethan Ramsey/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Open Heart: Doctor Caylinn Darling [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1939489
Kudos: 18





	Ad Astra Per Aspera (Through Adversity to the Stars)

He had gone upstairs to check on the Senator, ask more questions that could let them figure out how he was being poisoned when the paint sample were negative. He was walking down the hall, when he saw the familiar fiery locks of his Rookie in the room. Her arms were lifted in calming gesture, but he noticed the way she trembled, and he picked up his pace without thinking. When he was steps from the door, she turned and met his gaze, her eyes widening in fear and he froze instantly. She moved calmly, albeit in a jerky motion with her trembling, and made it to the door, locking it. He crossed the last couple steps, and jimmied the handle.

“Caylinn,” he warned, waiting for her to give into him. She shook her head, chewing on her bottom lip, and his worry skyrocketed. She only chewed her bottom lip when something happened—something _bad_ —something that he couldn’t help her with. He tried forcing the handle, slamming his shoulder into the door, watching her flinch. “Caylinn, open the door, now!”

“I can’t,” she said, her voice cracking. She wrapped her arms around herself, keeping the lock firmly in place. “Travis: he-he’s been poisoning the Senator. He sprayed something in here, Bobby’s already dead. Ethan, we-I, I don’t know what to do.”

He had never felt his chest constrict this much, never felt this level of fear and panic and rage all at once. He saw it mirrored in her eyes, in the way her lip quivered, and her eyes filled with tears, the way she wrapped her arms around herself. He swallowed the emotion down, needing to be strong for her. He nodded, swallowing again to be able to speak.

“We’ll figure this out— _I’ll_ figure this out,” he said, thickly, coughing to try and drown the emotion.

She nodded, before turning and collecting herself, pulling from his strength, and started ordering Danny and Rafael to help her seal off the room. Ethan strode to the nurses station, calling a Code Orange, starting the quarantine protocol of the floor, before calling Naveen and explaining the situation. He looked back into the room, watching her, and, for a moment, allowed his mask to slip, allowed himself to feel.

*

Every time he went back to the room, he felt the carefully erected mask he wore slip. Caylinn looked weaker and weaker every time he saw her, but she was determined, pacing the room she was in trying to crack jokes with Rafael. He admired her strength, her determination, but he worried and he feared and he was _angry_. The feds wouldn’t let them speak to Travis, test him, try and figure out what he had dosed the room with, what he had dosed _her_ with. It was setting Ethan on edge, causing his colleagues to keep a wide berth from him. But he couldn’t let her see it, couldn’t let him see that he was falling apart—that all he could think about was her cold, lifeless body, just like Danny and Bobby, having to bury her beside them. He had told her that love was chemical responses to happiness and the people you spend the most time around, and here he was having fallen irrevocably in love with her.

He leaned against the counter of the lab, drumming his fingers impatiently against it as he waited for the results to finish printing; he glared at the machine, at how slow it was moving, until—finally—the results were in front of him,

“ _Fuck_!” He crumpled the paper in his hand, swiping his arms across the counter, sending everything but the printer crashing to the ground in his rage. “Fuck,” he snarled again, swiping his hands through his hair and then down across his beard—the beard he had kept because _she_ liked it, _she_ enjoyed running her fingers through it.

“I’m assuming there are no botulinum markers in the blood?” June’s voice, usually so sharp and quick, was soft, gentle, as if trying to calm a wild animal. He turned on her, his jaw set tightly, and he give a small jerk of his head. He closed his eyes and leaned against the counter, trying to take in long, deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. He turned back towards June after a moment, looking to her for strength, the only one, other than him usually, who was able to keep them out of the medicine. She understood the helpless look he gave her, her lips twitching humorlessly. “We can’t disregard fungal or viral contagions, either. And we’re just scratching the surface on chemical agents.”

“One at a time,” Baz sighed. When Ethan glanced at him, he noticed that Mirani’s lips were quivering, his own hands shaking as he looked over microscope slides. Caylinn touched everyone she worked with, burrowing herself into their protective walls, and Baz was no exception. “We need to test Travis,” he whispered, more to himself than anything. Ethan growled at the name, the fragile hold that he had on his emotions fraying at the mention of the little shit.

Then the door to the lab opened, admitting Caylinn’s tiny friend, Sienna Trinh. Ethan had always found it amusing that there was someone shorter than her: he stood a good foot and a half taller than his Rookie, easily able to tower over her, but Trinh was even smaller. She looked helpless now, exactly as he felt, but there was a strength in her eyes that he could grab onto to get through this.

“I think I may have a way to help,” she said, entering the room nervously. She couldn’t meet his eyes, and instead saw the result of his stress and anger in the wreckage of the supplies around him, her eyes widening. She swallowed, before finishing, “I know where Senator Farrugia is hiding.”

Ethan stilled, his eyes narrowing. But June cut in before he could do or say anything. “He’s still _here_?”

Sienna nodded, then finally met his gaze, not flinching from his scowl. “I also think he knows where they’re keeping Travis.”

“Travis’ symptom progression could help us narrow down the search!” Baz exclaimed, jumping up from his seat, hope blooming across his features. “Any symptoms he shared with the other victims we could be _certain_ were important!”

Ethan nodded to Sienna, his shoes crunching against the broken glass around his feet as he stepped towards her, escorting her out of the lab. He turned back towards his team, looking between them, before settling on June, the calm in the storm. “You two can handle things here?”

June scoffed, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Less things will get broken if you’re not here anyways.”

She turned away to look into more possibilities, ignoring him. Baz on the other hand, sniffled, going back to his microscope, too emotional to speak. Ethan took a deep breath in and turned to follow Sienna. She lead them to the pediatrics wing, pointing at a supply closet just down the hall from them. Her hand shook as she pointed, and when he looked down at her face, he saw the angry tears forming in the corners of her eyes. He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, hesitant, as she looked up at him. The touch was comfort as well as a show of solidarity, that they both wanted answers, that he would do anything he needed to get the answers to save the woman they both cared for.

He strode towards the closet, and pushed on the handle, only to have it stopped instantly. A growl tore from his throat, as he slammed his hand down, hearing the soft whimper on the other side. “Farrugia, it’s Doctor Ramsey. _Open the fucking door_.”

He heard a heavy sigh, muffled by the wooden door, and the handle was released, allowing him to step inside the closet. He hadn’t realized Sienna had followed him, until she slipped in beside him, silently, a fuming, tiny shadow. As he took in the occupants of the small closet, he realized who had been holding the door handle, and a taunting smile pulled his lips as he made eye contact with the obnoxiously large security guard. The Senator, he noticed from the corner of his eye as he stared down the guard, was sitting on a box of diapers, his fingers flying over his phone screen.

“What the hell are you doing in the _children’s ward_? You are covered in an unknown contaminant, one that has already killed two of my staff from inhalation, are you out of your mind?” He snarled, rounding on the coward of a man. Caylinn had warned him that the Senator was a sham, but seeing how stupid the man really was, Ethan despised him even more than he already did for putting his Rookie in her current situation.

Ed looked up at him, scowling, his eyes narrowed threateningly. “In case you haven’t noticed, someone I’ve trusted for _years_ just tried to murder me in _your_ hospital. Your pathetic excuse for security did nothing to stop it.”

“Bobby died trying to stop the attack!” Sienna sneered, her voice rising as she continued, until it was a shrill shriek. “Danny died, too!”

“However, regrettable it may be, the fact remains, that I cannot risk exposing myself until I am sure that Travis was working alone.” His tone was flippant as he returned his attention to his phone, fingers once again flying across the keyboard. Ethan’s fingers clenched into fists, unable to speak for the rage clouding his mind.

“So, you decided to set up a ‘home-base’ near _sick children_?” Sienna hissed, her own hands curled into fists, her entire body rigid as she wound herself higher into a frenzy.

“Spare me,” Farrugia snapped, glancing up for just a moment. “You’re not the one at risk, _I_ am.”

“That’s not true. You were the one that got away; others weren’t so lucky,” Ethan growled, trying to keep as calm a voice as he could.

“Bad day for them.”

Ethan snarled wordlessly, taking a menacing step forward, only to stop when the guard took one towards him, bringing them chest to chest. For the first time, in a very long time, Ethan actually had to look up at someone else, he gritted his teeth, jaw tense, as he exchanged scowls with the large man.

“The FBI took Travis into custody. I need access to him,” he said around gritted teeth.

“About as much as I need a stiff drink,” Ed sighed, melodramatically. “But, we’re both destined to be disappointed.”

“This isn’t a joke,” Ethan snapped, knowing he was wound way too tight. “The people who saved your life are in danger.”

The Senator finally met his gaze again, and Ethan was stunned by the apathy this man had. “What does that have to do with me, Doctor Ramsey? I thought you were the best diagnostician in the country.”

“He is!” Sienna cried out, her emotions running just as high as his. “But, it’s not that simple!”

“We need as much information as we can get if we’re going to have a chance of getting ahead of this before it’s too late,” Ethan responded, stepping away from the guard, folding his arms across his chest.

“How inspiring,” Ed sneered. “But the FBI don’t answer to me.”

“Bullshit,” Ethan growled. His vision was starting to become red, his fear and worry and rage were building up to a boiling point. “You have enough influence to give us ten minutes with him.”

Farrugia made a noncommittal noise, before leveling a cold sneer at Ethan. “Perhaps I could, if I was feeling charitable. But I’m afraid my interest in offering you any favors vanished the moment I was attacked while under _your care_.”

Ethan lunged forward again, the snarl back, his vision almost gone to the red haze, however, stopped again by the guard stepping in time with him. But Sienna slipped between the two of them and stood in front of the infuriating man, her hands on her hips.

“Senator, forget about him,” she murmured, her voice commanding and sweet all in one. “Worry about me.”

“And you are?” he asked, bored.

“Only the most mediagenic doctor you will ever meet,” she responded, her peppy smile tainted by the edge in her voice. “If you give us access to Travis, I’ll give all of those reporters who are following you around a _glowing_ interview about how you did everything that you could to save our staff’s lives, even though you were the intended victim of the attack.

“Think about it: voters love you for your charm, but you never served in the military or the Peace Corps,” she continued, and Ethan had to commend her ability to charm even the nastiest of creatures. “This would make you an instant hero, and _no one_ can resist a hero.”

The Senator’s eyes gleamed as he thought about it, grinning when he finally came to a decision. “Fine, I’ll make the call,” he responded, sharply, turning his attention back to Ethan. “But, once this one does her interview, I never want to see either of you again.”

“Trust me,” he responded, folding his arms back over his chest, scowling. “We’ll steer _very_ clear of you in the future, Senator.”

*

Sienna was silent in the passenger seat of his car, wringing her hands as she watched the road. Ethan’s mind was racing: were they going to make in time? What if this was all for nothing? What if he lost her—He clenched the steering wheel tightly in his hands, hearing it crunch under his grip as he pulled himself away from that thought. He cleared his throat, grabbing Trinh’s attention, both needing the distraction.

“I see why Caylinn likes you,” he said, softly. And he really did. Sienna was bubbly and cheerful, and fiercely loyal, going as far as full-out lying to the press later so that they could save her; he told her as much.

“She’s my best friend,” she answered, with a sad smile. “Caylinn would do anything for her friends, even if it meant keeping things from us.”

His gaze shot to hers, catching her meaning instantly, seeing her impish smile, which grew when he caught her eye. He held her gaze a moment longer, sighing before he turned back to the road.

“You know.”

“I do,” she responded, turning to gaze out the window. “But she doesn’t know I know.” He frowned but waited for her to continue speaking. She let out a little giggle, before saying, “Caylinn is super focused when it comes to her patients, so it took a while to notice it; it helped when you started coming to Donahue’s more often.

“She’s tense and exhausted all the time, but you show up and she’s hyper-aware. Yeah, we all knew her and Bryce slept together last year—” she snorted when Ethan’s knuckles went white as he gripped the steering wheel tightly. “—but with him nothing changed about her. Sure, they became better friends, but she was still tense and exhausted. But an hour of talking with you and she’s relaxed, more alert.” She laughed again, as she recalled a memory. “It was more obvious when we saw you after you came back from the Amazon with the beard. She made a comment about how _rugged_ you looked with it—wild, primal—” her nose crinkled in distaste at the word but continued. “—and then after she stayed that night talking to you, you never shaved it off. My mom always said once a clean shave always a clean shave, and nothing will change that in a man. But she changed you, didn’t she?”

He refused to look at her, couldn’t bring himself to look at her. “I love her,” he breathed, bringing the car to a stop at a stop light. He ran his hands through his hair again, feeling his throat try and close as tears stung his eyes. He coughed, clearing his throat, as the light turned green, driving forward as if he hadn’t admitted anything.

“Does she know?” Sienna asked, her voice soft. Ethan shook his head.

“I’ve never told her, but I think she knows,” he answered, just as quietly. He sighed, defeated, deciding to tell her. “I am her superior, her _direct_ superior. That makes a relationship between us complicated. We decided— _I_ decided—it would be better for her career, her _reputation_ , if we kept out distance.”

“How’d that work out?” she asked, a knowing smile curling her lips. “I mean, the whole keeping your distance?”

“It only worked when I was in the Amazon,” he answered, giving her a conspirators smile. They both laughed, the tension draining from them, even for just a moment. Then the silence was back, and Sienna let out a little sniffle.

“Do you think they could die from this? Her and Raf?” she asked, her voice tight. He swallowed, feeling the sting in his eyes and the constricting of his chest, trying desperately to keep that darkness out.

“I told her I would fix it,” he growled, pulling into the parking lot of the building where Travis was contained. He put the car in park, slamming out of it and heading towards the entrance. “I _will_ fix it.”

*

Everything was moving so fast: Travis had no information on what was inside the canister, but Ethan had a perverse pleasure in watching him flatline on the table; Rafael had gotten worse and needed to be put in the support room, leaving Caylinn alone in hers, her strength waning with each minute. They had been following up on the hot-cold reversal thanks to Caylinn’s catch of Rafael’s reaction to the ice water, but Ethan needed to see her. He stood at the window, looking into her room, seeing the way she had ripped it apart in her rage after learning Danny had died, and Rafael had fallen into the coma. Now, he watched helplessly as she lay on her bed, curled up in a ball, staring at the ceiling as tears poured down her face.

“Talk to me, Cayl,” he murmured, thickly, seeing the way her fingers twitched at the sound of his voice. “At least look at me, please, sweetheart.”

She turned her head to look at him, the agonizing defeat in her expression tightened his chest, caused the fear and pain that he had been fighting back all day to come crashing forward, restricting his breathing. He was going to lose her, he _failed_. When he had been failing with Naveen’s diagnosis, he had felt sad, lost even, but the idea of losing his Rookie? It devastated him. He couldn’t imagine what life would be like without her; would it go back to the drab, boring irritation he had felt before her, or it would be colorless, numb, cold?

“You are still absolutely radiant, Darling.” Ethan turned at the voice, shocked to find Tobias Carrick striding towards the room.

“Tobias?”

“You look like shit, Ramsey,” Tobias said, a smile pulling his lips. There was a knowing tint to his smile, a soft pity that he hid, but Ethan couldn’t think about that. Could only see that Caylinn had forced herself to sit up, covering herself more carefully with the blankets.

She winced as she swallowed, her throat obviously dry. “What are you doing here, Carrick? You can’t poach me as a patient. I happen to be…detained in this quarantine.”

Tobias grinned at the obvious dig, shrugging his shoulders, good naturedly. “I’m not sure I want a firecracker like you around me, Darling. Bad for the ego.”

She was exhausted, evident in the way that her statement had winded her, but she struggled through the next jab, “Like it could actually be deflated.”

“What are you doing here?” Ethan asked, cutting in to allow her time to rest. It was the most she had done in hours, and it gave him a little hope that her defeated look was just the thought of losing Bobby, Danny and potentially Rafael.

“My team is currently in the lab with yours to get the cure,” Tobias answered, clapping him on the back. “Can’t let a dweeb like a personal assistant get the better of us Diagnosticians. Would ruin the brand!”

“Swiper no swiping,” Caylinn gasped out, her eyes fluttering shut, as exhaustion hit her. “Play nice, boys.”

They did.

*

He watched them inject her with the cure, pacing the floor as he waited for them to unseal her room. It was when Sienna had gone in to check on her, letting out a little squeal, did he know that she was awake. He rushed into the room, a grin spreading his lips when he saw her sitting up, taking a drink of water. He crossed the room, dropping on to the side of her bed, gripping her hair at the back of her head and kissed her. She made a surprised noise, concerned about Sienna being in the room, but he didn’t care. She was alive, and fine, and he didn’t care about hiding anymore.

He wanted to deepen the kiss, wanted to make sure that she really was fine, but she was still so weak, so he pressed soft kisses to her lips, lingering a moment before pulling away, stepping away from the bed, and explaining they had found the cure.

“So, you were able to create an antidote by finding a way to give my plasma immunity from the maitotoxin?” She laughed to herself, the way she would when she made a joke that only she understood. “Did Elijah make a reference to the Invisible Woman?”

Ethan smiled at her energy but was very confused by the meaning behind the question. Sienna barked out a light laugh. “Of course, he did. He also said we should get a research grant to make our own Weapon X program.”

“I’m kinda sad I wasn’t there to have a proper debate about what it would mean for our profession if everyone ended up with Deadpool’s healing factor,” Caylinn laughed, breathless. Even though he had no idea what the two of them were talking about, he continued to smile, just glad that she was still alive to fill his world with laughter.


End file.
